#4 - Cell Phones

A cell phone is, perhaps, the white trash person's most important accessory. The style, color, and features of one's cell phone define personhood much the way the right t-shirt defines a white person.

A white trash person's cell phone should be shiny, small and noticeably tricked out. Metallic pink is the color of choice for the well-accessorized white trash woman, and a matching cell phone holder with press on plastic crystals spelling out the woman's initials will complete the look.



The ring tone is also a very important element of the white trash cell phone. Rather than the traditional "ring-ring", the white trash person prefers to hear a loud hip hop du jour song (preferably one with a lot of profanity) when someone is calling; this is also their preference for what the caller hears when they are waiting for the white trash person to answer the phone. For instance, when you call a white trash cell phone, you don't hear "ring-ring", instead you hear "fuck this, fuck that, etc." While this would normally prove problematic for one awaiting something such as a call-back from a job interview, this is a small price for the white trash person to pay to know that his/her friends and relatives will be sufficiently entertained while waiting for Mr. or Mrs. White Trash to answer.

As a result of delinquent rent-to-own big-screen TV payments (See post #6 - "Rent to Own") white trash people are unable to qualify for an actual cell phone plan through a traditional cell phone provider, so they use one of the pay-as-you-go plans, such as Boost Mobile, Virgin Wireless, TracPhone or Cricket. These phones automatically shut off when the white trash person's pre-paid minutes have been used. As a result, "minutes" are the unofficial currency of the white trash nation - much as cigarettes are in prison. Accordingly, white trash people can often be seen bargaining, squabbling or taking on a fiance (See post #1 - "Fiances") over minutes.